It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
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