yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
The adults are the big ones right?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize