why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
