She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize