she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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