I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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