sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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