the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize