just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
