I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
