Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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