this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
