do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize