Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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