Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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