So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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