I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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