No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I had to cum in my sink.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
