i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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