my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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