the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
