U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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