the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
