and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
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