where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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