did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
