so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Randomize
