Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize