they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
