She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
