FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
