why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
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