Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
