i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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