Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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