New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
