i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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