dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
