I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
