hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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