In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
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