So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
