Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
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