I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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