drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
