i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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