Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Randomize
