Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
