So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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