can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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