A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize