Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
