I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
