This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Where is the hickey?
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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