he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
