Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
