Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
