I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
