im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
