I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
