i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
