Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
