i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
