he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I lost the right to judge tonight
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
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