your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
