i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
