I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
