Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Randomize
