How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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