so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
