Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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