Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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