Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
