what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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