I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I have post one night stand depression
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