Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
