so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
