I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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