Jerry, you need to find god
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
my being single is dangerous.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
