Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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