you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
