Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
