don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
