He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
