1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
be right there i have to get my cape
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
