she woke up with a sticky ear
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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