I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
