I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
