i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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