I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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