and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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